- a silly gift
- minds in total sync
- the moment before i fall asleep beside you
- forehead and nose kisses
- asking for nothing in return
- a long hug, after a long time / the sound of your heartbeat
- forgetting, being reminded, and always being forgiven
- the gentleness of the rain, the wind on my face
- a passing thought scrawled on post-it notes
- dancing badly, singing off-key
- lazy basking in the morning sun
- hearing the belly laughter of my dearest
- inside jokes, a knowing look
- knowing i’m safe with you
- knowing i’m unconditionally accepted
- “i’m coming home soon — you want food?”
- a whispered “good night”, a peck on the cheek
- riding pillion after midnight
- messing up my makeup, and accepting it
- listening to my friends’ swashbuckling lore
- aggressive, irrepressible journaling / blogging
- “i read your blog recently”
- books that make me think, poems that make me feel
- candid photos of my friends that embarrass them (i’ll print them in time)
- pictures in which we’re genuinely happy
- warm showers and baths
- the gentle lilt of my grandparents’ voices when giving me advice
- our shoulders or limbs brushing against each other naturally
- watching you sleep like a child
- keeping a secret, just between you and me
- the split second of vulnerability with a stranger
- tracing the lines of your jaw with my thumb
- combing your hair through my fingers
- head pats, a smitten gaze
- your scent
- aimless walks, so we can be together a while longer
- kindness — freely given, eagerly received
- promises fulfilled
- living like heaven doesn’t exist
- realising everything will be alright
- letting go
- the inevitability of love
Tag: happiness
golden age
my friends joke that i’ve been “blitzed out” recently; i have tasted true freedom.
i’m privileged in that i’ve always had some degree of freedom in my life — where i’ve been, where i want to go, and where i’m going.
recently, though, i’ve experienced freedom so intensely that it gave me whiplash. the realisation came slowly, then all at once.
i can do whatever i want.
if i want to earn money, i’ll work. if i want a break, i’ll take it because my self-worth is no longer tied to work — it doesn’t matter what others think. if i want to get away from everything for a bit, i can leave whenever, i can go wherever. if i want something, all i have to do is reach for it.
i don’t need to want love; i already have it.
my darling yeye yapped to me earlier about how the “golden age” (黄金时代) in my life is now. he’s right, but i believe there’s more than one. in Civilization VI, the only game i have 500 hours on, we have golden ages; we have dark ages; we have heroic ages, when a dark age is followed by a golden age. they come in cycles… life may not be endlessly good, but it will never be endlessly bad either.
in another epoch i believed that i was the happiest i could ever be, and all i wanted was to hold on for as long as possible.
as i was happy then, i too am happy now. i guess i’m blitzed out in happiness.
i do not know if there is more — i secretly hope there is more, because there’s so much out there — but this moment is also enough.
baby g’s diary 