golden age

my friends joke that i’ve been “blitzed out” recently; i have tasted true freedom.

i’m privileged in that i’ve always had some degree of freedom in my life — where i’ve been, where i want to go, and where i’m going.

recently, though, i’ve experienced freedom so intensely that it gave me whiplash. the realisation came slowly, then all at once.

i can do whatever i want.

if i want to earn money, i’ll work. if i want a break, i’ll take it because my self-worth is no longer tied to work — it doesn’t matter what others think. if i want to get away from everything for a bit, i can leave whenever, i can go wherever. if i want something, all i have to do is reach for it.

i don’t need to want love; i already have it.

my darling yeye yapped to me earlier about how the “golden age” (黄金时代) in my life is now. he’s right, but i believe there’s more than one. in Civilization VI, the only game i have 500 hours on, we have golden ages; we have dark ages; we have heroic ages, when a dark age is followed by a golden age. they come in cycles… life may not be endlessly good, but it will never be endlessly bad either.

in another epoch i believed that i was the happiest i could ever be, and all i wanted was to hold on for as long as possible.

as i was happy then, i too am happy now. i guess i’m blitzed out in happiness.

i do not know if there is more — i secretly hope there is more, because there’s so much out there — but this moment is also enough.