I recently began tutoring a young girl in secondary school. She’s almost half my age – I remember her eyes widening in innocent wonder when I shared how old I was.
When I watch her working diligently on her math equations in her little universe, I find myself hoping she will be protected from the vicissitudes of life. I want to tell her:
There’s so much out there for you… there’ll be so much joy and so much learning. And what seems so insurmountable now might only be a distant glimmer in the galaxy of your future.
I am turning 26 in two weeks. This piece attempts to reconcile the first phase of my life before I confront the vagaries of “real adulthood”. Singaporean-wise that means procuring a job and a house and getting married… all prospects that leave my bones trembling. But I digress.
I brazenly consider this as timeless advice from me to myself. I would tell this to my 20-year-old self, but I know my 30-year-old self would appreciate it (I’ll get back in 5 years on this). I hope anyone reading this enjoys it, too.
Organised in sections, pithy one-liners, and pointers for elaboration. Saved the best for last.
Accept that you will fail — all the time, without exception.
The things you are bad at, but more crucially, the things you are good at. Because making mistakes is one of the best ways to learn and improve.
You just have to keep trying and pick yourself up. Trying again (in a smarter way) is the only way you will get better.
Focus on your own progress.
IU wrote Palette at 25. I am writing this, HAHA. That’s okay. Everyone has their own value to contribute to the world. Even a small value may be significant (p < .05).
Don’t bother trying to emulate so-and-so successful person’s generic qualities. Focus on your spike – your unique combination of skills and interests that make you stand out.
Distinguish between what you’re doing because you want to and what you’re doing because you feel like you have to.
I used to think that my life was set and all I had to do was work towards a rigid set of predetermined goals. On reflection, it was because of my presumption that society thought it was good, so I assumed it would be good for me. It didn’t make me happy. It won’t make you happy either.
Reality is a mix of both. It is unrealistic to expect to pursue only what you are passionate about. There are oftentimes “have-tos” that seem like the best option for growth at the time, and it may not be what we love. But that’s fine as long as you recognise that and resist the allure of introjection, where you confuse others’ expectations for you with your own desires.
Relationships
Give because you want to and not because you expect something in return.
Consider any effort you put in for someone/something else as a gift from the goodness of your heart; don’t expect it back. If it does come back, treat it as a surprise.
I lived by this philosophy that everything is inherently transactional and people are only interested in others insofar as they are useful to one another. I still see evidence of that, but I have also realised that operating on an expect-returns basis is inane.
This includes lending anyone money: consider it gone by default and equivalent to the price of the relationship if it’s never repaid. Never give more to someone than you’re willing to lose, no matter how close they are, especially if they are close to you.
Treat a kind deed received as a pleasant surprise – a sign of good in the world. Just as you are willing to give for the sake of it, there will be someone out there who is the same. Cherish those people and those moments when it happens.
The inverse: you don’t have to give 100% to everyone or everything. Neither do you have to give if you don’t want to. And even if you’re willing to give someone everything, they might just call you silly. It is what it is.
Pick your battles wisely.
Don’t burn your bridges; you might need them later. That could mean holding your tongue and holding out for the future. Does that mean being two-faced? No — you can disagree with someone but maintain perfectly cordial relations with them and refrain from ad hominem attacks (you always can report facts about them… defamation suits don’t cover those).
And so what if we gossip about each other? Life is too short to waste on irrelevant people or haters. It is far easier to be a hater than a hated person because the latter requires you to achieve something that makes you powerful, relevant, and therefore threatening. You’re leagues ahead just by virtue of that fact. Let them talk the house down while you focus on doing your work. If they cared enough to do something, they would.
Don’t be a social justice warrior — don’t fight for people who don’t want to be fought for. At most, lay the groundwork and leave the action to them. But I would go as far as to say that that first step is not even worth your time. There are so many better ways you can spend it. Go pursue a passion project, or send your friends and family a loving text instead. Not everyone is worth it. If you feel that someone is still worth fighting for despite their evident reluctance to participate, perhaps you care about the cause more than the person. All of which suggests that your purpose is selfishly motivated. Having a personal agenda is fine, but leave others out of it.
If someone complains about X problem to you and you identify that something can be done about it, the onus shouldn’t be on you to take action — it should be that someone if they want to. Sure, you can offer advice if solicited. But if they don’t want to act on it, that’s their problem, never yours. As the psychologist joke goes: “How many therapists does it take to change a lightbulb? One, but only if the lightbulb wants to.”
Asking for help on the next action if you don’t know what to do.
Suppose you can’t apply the above rules. In that case, the issue is beyond your control, meaning there is nothing to worry about.
If you really care about the problem, improve your ability so that it becomes something within your zone of control.
Intensely personal (best for last)
My most personal opinion is one that has no evidence aside from anecdotal extrapolation and thereby the most debatable: I suspect people fundamentally don’t change, personality and motives-wise.
I scoured through my old journals recently, and it’s striking how much I am chased by the same monsters in different costumes. And what kind of person you really are is only apparent in hindsight because we convince ourselves we are some kind of person (biased by our ideals), but our past actions tell the truth.
I used to think I preferred to be loved more. I realise now that I have always wanted to love more, and I would light myself on fire over it. How silly indeed.
16Personalities would always say I was a thinker. Yeah nonsense. I’m a feeler. All the major decisions in my life have been made on whims and desires (how privileged… how incandescently lovely). Then again, that test is not known for its reliability. Don’t bother with it. Keep a journal instead.
Bonus: Life is a culmination of decisions made in a split-second… some of which will alter your trajectory forever. And you’ll never be fully prepared for those.
That’s okay. Feel your feelings. Forgive yourself. You’re all that you’ll ever have.
To my 30-year-old self: I love you. I accept you completely. I hope you’re happy, wherever you are.
I was part of the NTU Students’ Union 28th Executive Committee in AY2018/19 as the Corporate Communications Executive (Relations). I am here to share my story.
OK, now that I’ve got your attention, this post is not about any particular individual or even a set of people. It is about the NTU Students’ Union as an institution and mode of government.
I will not name anyone in this post because I know my peers would rather not be entangled in this matter, not to mention that they have moved on with their lives anyway. (Crucially, I am not interested in being SLAPPed with a lawsuit.) I’m only here because I’ve been in NTU for longer than most people I know – first as an undergraduate and now as a graduate student.
This post is a singular reflection of my experience with the Students’ Union: what I thought it was, what it really was then, what it is now, and what it could be.
Therefore, a confession of sorts, though I have nothing to be ashamed of, as you will see.
What the Students’ Union was to Me, Part 1: The Introduction
I was peripherally involved with Union activities in Year 1. I was a member-minion of the Open House Committee, and my task was to secure partnerships with external organisations. The Open House work was basic, but I enjoyed seeing the event coalesce via that invisible thread of camaraderie interlacing it. Through that opportunity, I met others, some of whom would eventually become my teammates in the 28th NTUSU Executive Committee (henceforth SU/Union and Exco).
When asked to consider running as an SU Exco member in Year 2, I was starry-eyed at the prospect. And why wouldn’t I be? It promised to be an avenue for me to create change as I envisioned it. And I had dreams: I wanted to revitalise the floundering Union magazine, U-Insight, and transform it into an avenue where students could express themselves. I wanted to improve the communication channels between SU and the student body, mainly so that student feedback, previously scattered across sources, could be consolidated into a single place to amplify its voice.
Here’s a part of my presentation script that I used in the 28th Council Election Rally (2018) in standing for the role of Relations Executive. If you’re wondering about its authenticity, note its dated nature – for example, the Nanyang Chronicle was quietly discontinued after 2019. Yes, I am old. Yes, I called it Nanyang Chron.
I will now elaborate on my aims and goals should I be elected to this role. First, I want to expand and distinguish U-Insight. It was moved online fully since last year and now has its own unique platform, rather than being integrated on the NTUSU website, but it’s still relatively rudimentary. Currently, it has 11 posts over 5 months, mostly focusing on events and new initiatives that NTUSU pushed out in the previous academic year. As you can see from the picture, it has a grand total of 2 tabs or sections. So what I want to do is expand what the editorial has to offer in a direction that distinguishes us from the other editorials/magazines in NTU, such as Hey! Magazine and Nanyang Chronicle. My vision for the magazine is a platform that represents the voice of the students – on top of sharing news about policies and events, we also make students feel like they have a part to play in the growth of this editorial. Currently, what I am looking at is including more sections in the editorial, and some that our student-members can contribute directly to. This may include opinion pieces, Q&As, interviews, and so on. I will work closely with my committee to achieve these goals. If possible, we may even look towards collaboration with other student-run editorials like Nanyang Chron.
Feedback is one of the most important things for me, and as such will be a priority. I understand that we currently have a feedback link that is attached to all the EDMs [electronic direct mailer, i.e. fancy way of saying emails] blasted by the SU. There is another link that is pasted on a few bus stop posters asking students to provide feedback, but that link does not work. What I want to do is clean up and simplify the feedback process by standardising it, as well as putting this link up on more platforms. To achieve this, my proposed committee includes the position of online engagement officer, whom I will work with to collect feedback across a variety of platforms and analyse it.
I had dreams, and I wanted to achieve them. The position of Relations Executive offered me just that; it gave me power – the ability to influence events in the direction of my will.
And who wouldn’t want that?
So off I went to the elections, full of hope and ambition.
What the Students’ Union was to Me, Part 2: The Election
Let me explain how the Union (Executive Committee) electoral process works. Again. Because I’ve done this before, but let me do it again.
The SU Executive Committee is not elected by the students. The Union Council is elected by the students. The Executive Committee is elected by the Council.
Some context is necessary.
Anyone who glances through the NTUSU website might think the Council is the Executive Committee. It is not.
The Council is composed of:
The Executive Committee
The Academic Constituent Clubs (a fancy way of saying “school clubs”) – e.g. School of Social Sciences Club, Biological Sciences Club. All students are part of the club whose name matches their school.
The Non-Academic Constituent Clubs (i.e. the Big Three Clubs that seem to pervade every aspect of CCA life) – WSC, Sports Club, CAC. All students are members of ALL NACCs (bet you didn’t know that! And that’s why you can vote in their elections, even if you don’t participate in their activities or volunteer).
The power distribution within the NTUSU Council has baffled me, though certainly, I had no interest in pursuing the matter given that the arrangement benefited my position. How I understood it during my time was (might be inaccurate):
The Council, as a totality, is concerned with all student members. They discuss things sporadically. The duration between successive meetings can span up to months.
ACCs and NACCs are more concerned with things happening within their student sections. They primarily run events for their own members.
Exco is concerned with all “26,000 undergraduate students of NTU” and counting. They implement the decisions of the Council, kind of. They organise events for and represent everyone. They are the closest point of contact to the NTU management.
(If you’re wondering about the postgraduate students, they’re covered by another group entirely irrelevant to this discussion – the Graduate Students’ Association [GSA]. There are also the non-constituent clubs, which are the smaller clubs catering to more specific interests.)
When I write about it that way, there seems to be an overlap between Council and Exco. Hmm. The Council makes some decisions, but the Exco makes others, though the Exco is responsible for most of the legwork. Another interesting factoid: the current Constitution says that the Council “has the power to” exercise control over the Executive Committee. I am not sure how it works in practice.
I digress. Back to the electoral process.
Again: The SU Executive Committee is not elected by the students. The Union Council is elected by the students. The Executive Committee is elected by the Council.
There are two “levels” of elections happening here.
The first election, at the NACC/ACC level. Students vote here for the Committee Members of their NACC/ACC Club. This is what you vote for on Union Day. The President of the ACCs at this level – and only the President, not other committee members – becomes a Council Member. For NACCs, two (President and VP/Hon Gen) become Council Members.
The second election, at the council level. Council members, empowered by students as representatives of their clubs, vote here to decide which specific council members become members of the Executive Committee.
In other words, students do not elect anyone in the Executive Committee. The Presidents of their Clubs do.
A more concrete example to illustrate – myself. Students elected me as the Union Representative of the School of Social Sciences, and I became a Council Member. (That, or at least a temporary member who could stand for elections in the Council. The definition of a Union Representative is wonky.) Then, I was voted in by the 28th Council Members to become a member of the Executive Committee. If by any chance the Union Rep is not elected due to lack of confidence or a contesting candidate winning, they are required to resign from the Council basically immediately. In case I get questions on this, yes, my role was uncontested. (But I’m sure you’d vote for me even if it was contested. :-))
I noticed a lot of fanfare on the ground over students being unable to directly elect the Exco. Note that this election process is neither unfair nor problematic per se. The Prime Minister of Singapore is chosen similarly. The Prime Minister is defined as the leader of the Parliament, and the leader is decided through a “consensus among peers” involved. The voting public has limited influence over the final decision of who is selected as the PM – though, of course, it can have its preferences, and its opinions are sought by the government. A Mothership video explains it better than me here (unfortunately).
By the way, I can’t find the past Students’ Union Council Rally meeting minutes. The election archives (which I had to google to find and which doesn’t seem directly accessible from the main NTUSU website) only have the results of the ACC/NACC-level elections. If anyone can find the past Council meeting minutes, please leave a comment below, thanks. It is 5:51 a.m., and I am not in the headspace to search for gold in the desert.
What the Students’ Union really was: The Exco and its Jurisdiction
I learned following my successful election that there were limits to my power. To give some perspective, I guess my role at that time is the equivalent of the current Public Relations Executive in AY2022/23. I had to report to my Vice-President, who was accountable for my actions; they had to report to the President, who was accountable for our actions. The President, in turn, was accountable to stakeholders with various interests.
I don’t want or need to elaborate on how the Union is aligned vis-à-vis the university management regarding decision-making. I am sure there are plenty of posts out there that can paint a picture for you. I will say that the Union is dedicated to protecting the peace of the status quo. This is hardly surprising; it would be surprising if it were anything else.
My role was mainly limited to communicator ex post facto rather than decision-maker, given the limits of my power. So I could consolidate feedback and I could attempt to persuade, but I had no say in the final decisions made.
One of my first projects was consolidating feedback via Union channels. As I promised in my rally, mind you! The hot topic that year was the issue of being unable to see the results of your S/Ued options, unlike NUS’s practice.
Ultimately, this was the end result we communicated to students. Relevant extract copied below.
Context: the bolded sentence is a question asked by a student we received via our newly released feedback channel. We gathered recurring themes and officially responded to them via our editorial website, U-Insight (responses in point form below the question).
Why can’t we see our results before choosing to S/U it? What has NTUSU done regarding this issue? – MECH/4
The University Management’s stance is that the S/U option is part of the broad level efforts undertaken by the University to nurture a holistic learning environment that puts less emphasis on grades and focuses more on learning and exploring courses beyond their core disciplinary studies. The University Management believes that the current S/U declaration period up to two working days after the last exam paper of the semester gives students sufficient time to weigh their choices of either opting for grade or S/U notation, rather than as a means to pull up their GPA […]
In AY14/15, after hearing from students, NTUSU successfully pushed for the S/U option to be available after exams, when it was previously available only before exams. NTUSU is constantly engaging both students and the management on this matter.
Note how the response is phrased. I leave the interpretation up to you, but I can tell you I oversaw its creation. By the way, the last sentence is true, even as it is broad. The point here is that students are given access to the outcomes of discussions involving the Students’ Union. As for the process, which is fundamental to participatory decision-making… that’s up to you to decide.
What the Students’ Union is, Now?
A few comments on the selection process based on my experience.
I was recruited due to my past experience as a member of a Union Committee before running for Executive. I believe this is a reasonable expectation to have for someone who is expected to represent the interests of students; aside from a desire to serve, it helps to have prior experience. But beyond demonstrating ability through your previous work, it is because you have made connections through your shared experiences.
“Connections” sounds like a dirty word, huh? But is it really? We know elected positions in the Council and across clubs, halls, and societies are almost always uncontested. It is the rule, not the exception. People ask why, but there really is no question. The simple answer is that succession planning occurs. Imagine you are a leader of some club or society. You would hope to leave it in good hands. You are now faced with a decision. Who do you pick to succeed you?
We can argue that the system is flawed if, and only if,
(1) Students are not given an equal opportunity to run for these positions, AND/OR
(2) Students who do apply are not evaluated fairly.
It is hard to argue (2) because most positions are uncontested. So, we focus on (1).
Now for the million-dollar question: did (1) happen with the transition of power from the previous Union Executive Committee to the current one?
I don’t know. Neither do I want to make any claim with absolute certainty.
What we can do is to look at the information we’ve been presented with, and you can decide for yourself.
What the Students’ Union Could Be?
Before evaluating what we have, consider this fascinating observation of mine.
The circle is closed, yes, but it is not impenetrable.
In the same Union Rally I attended to be elected, another position in the Exco was contested. Two people ran for it. One of them was unexpected. The unexpected one was dazzling in their purity, and I say that in the most respectful way possible. They had seen the club elections notice, and with pure hope, they had run for Union Rep, got elected by their students, and decided to run for the Exco with whatever they knew. Of course, the other candidate had done the same, but with a longer preparation runway. Only one of them was elected that night. Guess who won? You’d be surprised.
In the latest AY2023 Union Rally, the role of President was contested by the Union Rep of the Welfare Services Club. However, it seems that a technicality did not allow them to rally before the incumbent President was elected. Hmm… (It’s all reported on Soapbox – not my words!)
These two examples are few and far between. Still, they are sufficient to establish that theoretically nothing stops students from running for elections, whether as Union Rep at the club level or Exco members at the Council level. Theoretically. Please do not take this to mean that I am defending the current state of affairs.
The next question is: assuming students care enough to run (high bar in itself btw), do they know enough to run? If they do not know enough, can we argue that this results in unequal access?
Information Asymmetry, Example 1
Let’s backtrack into the election process again.
I knew I had to be elected into the SSS Club as Union Rep to become an Exco member later. I knew this because I was familiar with the election procedure. And I knew this because I knew someone who knew this. Of course.
I suspect that many students are not aware of this requirement.
The above does not mean that students are not allowed to run in club elections. In my case, the SSS Club elections in my time were open to all, and people were free to run for whatever positions they desired (- I think!). There was at least an email informing people that applications were open. There was an open “candidate evaluation process” which consisted of them pasting applicants’ entry forms onto big boards displayed in the foyer for passersby to gawk at. Was mine there too? I can’t remember – it’s been years. The devil may be in the details, but I don’t remember anything amiss.
But that’s missing the point.
Information Asymmetry, Example 2
Another thing I noticed is that the NTUSU Instagram page (managed by the Exco only, the Communications department in particular) does not list the names of the Union Representatives contesting for Exco positions. I chalked it up to lack of transparency initially, but on second thought, it makes sense in a pedantic way. The Union Reps have yet to officially hold any positions in the Council/Exco. So, there is technically no need to declare your interest in a specific Exco position until you get to the Council Rally, which is a closed-door event anyway. (This feels like the kind of argument phrasing that got the current SU PR department in hot soup.)
To be even more pedantic, one could argue that students have access to information regarding who their Union Reps are – you can find out via the results release of the elected positions via the ACC/NACC club documents. They’re just not widely publicised, so it takes a lot of effort to find out.
I repeat: information asymmetry.
Anyhoo, if we’re focusing on improvement, I would love to see more details of Union Reps interested in Exco positions being released by NTUSU moving forward. After all, if someone is going to represent my interest and that of 26,000 others, I feel like they deserve a certain level of public scrutiny and evaluation. Let me hear your pitch! Let me see your résumé!
To summarise, one thing is clear: there is a gap between the current communication of the SU’s election/decision-making procedures and students’ understanding of it.
The equation is simple: if students don’t know what to do or how to do it, they cannot do it.
I would say both the Union and the students share a responsibility on this matter – the former for conveying information, and the latter for seeking information. But suppose I am right in assuming that a severe information asymmetry is present at the moment. In that case, the onus is on the SU (led by the Exco) to resolve it. (This post is an attempt to rebalance this asymmetry, but I am old and retired!)
Conclusion: For Students, by a Student
Institutions – especially established ones – always tend towards inertia. There is little incentive to change what works if it has been working fine for the people who benefit most. But at some point, we will be knocked off our feet and then forced to recalibrate – who is this system benefiting? And if there is a discrepancy between what was promised and what is, how do we fix it? I can’t offer anything else more feasible, but I am genuinely encouraged to see that more students are challenging what we’re used to in hopes of something better. It may seem disingenuous for me to say this as someone who was part of “the establishment”, but after all… the goal of the Students’ Union was always to represent students’ interests, right?
If you’ve read this far – thanks, even if you skimmed everything. Here, I just want to share something personal. I didn’t know if I should post this or even start writing this. But acting almost on compulsion, I sat down at 2am in front of my laptop and started typing anyway. It is now 7:46am. I could not stop once I started. I guess I’ve wanted to say something for a long time, and after a long while, the time has finally come. Whatever it is, I hope students can continue to speak up on what matters to them.
P/S: If you think I’m doing this for attention – well, maybe. I could have posted this anonymously, but with the level of detail I went into, it was bound to be a matter of time before I was doxxed anyway. If there’s something in it for me (aside from more readers <3), I believe this post captures the transparency I wanted to achieve in my time in the NTUSU. Regardless, I hope there’s something that you can take away from this.
And those conclusions are for you to hold and act on, not me.
Final disclaimer: I tried my best to be accurate, but let me know if anything is false. I will revise my post, where reasonable, with credits to you. (Please don’t sue me.)
If you’re interested in something similar I wrote before, read this. It’s basically a precursor to this post.
Exclusive section for blog readers only, haha~
Just some additional sharing on a personal note. I was inspired to write this post by Lee Kuan Yew. Yes, you read that right. I was watching one of his speeches from the CNA Special “Lee Kuan Yew: In His Own Words” – specifically, his speech at the Swearing-in Ceremony on 13 September 1988.
In this speech, he delineates three criteria for evaluating political leaders. It struck a chord with me, which moved me to write this post. It’s cheesy but it’s true.
I am unsure if I can quote him here on this blog due to copyright concerns, so I will link the YouTube video with the timestamp instead for your leisure viewing (28:53-29:25). Watch with captions!
Alternatively, you can also find his full speech via this document publicly available for viewing (see page 2).
A psychologist told me last week that I have signs of major depressive disorder (“clinical depression”). I wasn’t surprised.
The following is a record of my experience seeking help for my mental health and the observations I’ve made along the way – both as a recipient of services and as an advocate. You might find it helpful if you’re curious about mental health or its (challenging) landscape in Singapore. Or you might see a part of yourself reflected herein.
Counsellors, Psychiatrists, and Psychologists
I’ve been putting off getting therapy for years. The thought that maybe I should get help first occurred during my senior undergraduate days. I noticed cyclical episodes where I would nosedive mentally and emotionally after busy periods in the semester. But it was easy to ignore because it wasn’t hampering my academic performance (yet), and I was juggling too many commitments to care. And it was easy to rationalise as part and parcel of living in a hypercompetitive environment – I figured everyone felt the same way, and if they could cope with it, so could I.
But I could only live like that for so long.
I began seeing a counsellor in 2021 at my university’s counselling centre. I used a playful tone when I wrote about it then, but in hindsight, the visits were a sign that my mental health was deteriorating. My first counsellor left “to take a break” for her mental health after three meetings, and I’ve been with my current one since. The counselling helped me manage my emotions following major stressors better, but it’s been less effective at ameliorating the root problem. Suffice it to say that it is unrealistic to expect a university counselling centre to have the resources to cope with issues of greater severity, regardless of how well-intentioned it might be1.
Later I would be referred to the university psychiatrist, who prescribed me antidepressants to regulate my moods. The best way to describe their effect on me is that I become stupefied. Everything is dulled – my senses, mood, and cognition. She said I would improve if I committed to taking them regularly, but I never managed to do so.
In mid-2022, I zeroed in on a private therapy clinic after encountering their advertisements. I emailed them, going as far as to use a burner email address to maintain anonymity and avoid commitment. That vague reluctance at the back of my mind was justified when they told me their costs were $200/h (but I could receive a “reduced rate of $150” for being a student).
I did not reply.
When I did reply to that email to reinitiate contact with them recently (yes, a year after), however, the new clinic admin (yes, a whole new person) informed me that they were unable to offer me the reduced rate as previously agreed… even though my status as a student remained unchanged. If I wanted the reduced rate, I would have to provide details of my “financial situation” and my family’s.
I was enraged at this turn of events.
Now I acknowledge from a business perspective (à la my partner’s rational, non-depressed response when I started venting to him) that changing your company policy in a year is perfectly legitimate. Very well. What gutted me was how blatantly the event made it evident that money was their primary consideration. I felt compelled to interpret it that way.
Minor segway here onto the complex relationship between therapy and money that I feel is acknowledged occasionally by leaders but only ever dealt with superficially. I wholeheartedly agree that becoming a clinical practitioner is a considerable investment that warrants a high dollar-per-hour return. I would also like to be paid handsomely for my work2. But the fact is that $200 (or even $150) an hour is something most people cannot afford, much less students. Not to mention comprehensive treatment plans can be 16 sessions on top of add-ons like assessment packages (I was quoted $2000+). Those are unimaginable numbers.
Clinical psychology speaks of the therapeutic alliance – the partnership between the client and the therapist – as a central element in treatment success. Whatever potential alliances I could have had with this clinic’s therapists were ruptured before they had begun.
And so they lost a client before they had one.
Anger overcoming my inertia, I searched for an alternative and found one through a friend who had sought treatment earlier. This new place’s rates were far more reasonable ($40/h) – perhaps because they were not a private clinic3. I quickly filled in the intake form, reporting what I believe to be concerning scores on well-being and productivity, and waited. They contacted me in a few weeks to schedule an intake interview.
And that brings us back to the beginning.
Sign(s) of the Times
During the interview, I had a ball of a time facing the psychologist over Zoom. Who doesn’t love talking about themselves, especially to a non-judgmental and curious listener? At the end of it all, the psychologist shared his observation kindly, if slightly nervously. I had “signs of major depressive disorder”, with a smattering of anxiety to boot4.
My first reaction was to laugh as if he had made an inside joke. After all, there could have been no other outcome.
I felt oddly liberated after. I continued with my day reinvigorated, getting things done and at peace with myself. (It didn’t last.)
At least I can move forward now. I’ve been stuck in place for too long; it’s time to get going.
Meta
I hesitated before posting this. For all I know, this could be a career-ending move… not that it’s begun. But we can leave the stigma expositions for another time.
I wrote that this post might be helpful to some people, but it ultimately doesn’t matter if it is or isn’t. It’s for me and should always have been; this post deserves to exist in its own right, as I do, without the necessity of acknowledgement by others as a reason to be. And so it shall.
It’s good to be here.
Footnotes
1 The same goes for peer-helping programmes.
2 Though as a mental health advocate, I am not (paid at all), and neither are my peers.
3 More deets when I feel like it’s the right time to share about them. Or not. See how.
4 His observation is not an official diagnosis because he’s not a psychiatrist. For all intents and purposes, my condition only allegedly exists.
Note: I specify university, but the content applies to any student actually (e.g. poly, JC, IB, even sec school).
Welcome to university! What awaits you ahead is a life-defining period of exploration. Play your cards right, and uni can be fulfilling and a powerful launchpad to where you want to go.
So let’s dive into the tips from university seniors to set you off right. They’re based on the lived experiences of my friends and me, who have survived (and hopefully thrived) in uni. This post covers broad principles that will move you forward as long as you consistently work at them.
1. PLAN AHEAD, AGGRESSIVELY
I blitzed through my first two years of uni with only a rough idea of what was happening. I thought it would be fun to “take things as they come”. The spontaneity was thrilling… the mental meltdowns every semester were not.
But once I got into the habit of planning ahead, it was as if I’d never lived before. Finally, I no longer felt like a clown on a unicycle with seven plates of responsibilities balanced on a stick.
But I digress. Using a planner served two functions:
It focused my energies on specific goals to guide me where I wanted to go
It helped me to schedule critical tasks and make them a habit
Why does planning ahead make you more effective? Because you’re eliminating the troublesome need to make decisions throughout the day. You don’t have to think about what to do or where to go; you just have to follow the plan you made earlier.
With the conserved mental energy, you’re free to devote yourself to higher-order, effortful tasks, like studying or working on your passion projects. And this logic can be generalised to a longer timeframe – weeks, months, and even years.
or you could just spend that extra time sleeping like me.
In fact, I recommend drawing up a grand plan for the entire duration of your study. And I have a guide just for this purpose:
Start by deciding what you wish to achieve and when you want to do those things. For example, in planning your academics, begin by reviewing your course’s recommended study plan to figure out what’s expected.
Then draw up a timeline that includes these elements of what and when so you have a big picture view of your plans. This is not as daunting as it sounds – simply start with a few rough boxes and fit details in there, and you’ll find that the rest naturally comes along. You can use any medium that works for you, such as Word/Excel, or the classic pen-and-paper.
Of course, as events roll around, contingencies will force you to readjust. But you should have an “ideal plan” to follow in good weather conditions. The plan specifies what is fundamentally important to you, so you don’t get distracted by the nonessentials.
The planner that I use and swear by is called the Self Journal. Each is designed to be used for exactly 13 weeks. At the start, you specify 3 goals for yourself, and the journal helps you create milestones and daily actions to achieve those goals. Daily and weekly planning pages are included, so you can plan down to 30-minute blocks. Finally, every section allows you to reflect on what you’ve achieved and what to do to improve.
(If you’re wondering why 3 months in particular: it’s because it’s long enough for you to achieve something sizeable but short enough to motivate you to work towards your goals.)
I was so committed to this series I ordered a year’s worth directly from the publisher and had the journals delivered internationally via a third-party courier when Amazon didn’t carry it. But the good news is that it’s back on Amazon (Singapore) now.
2. DEVELOP A GROWTH MINDSET
Now that you’ve set the stage with a solid plan, it’s time to reframe your mindset in a way that best helps you to grow. And that begins by changing the way you think about effort and achievement.
Before I elaborate, let’s find out how you think presently. Take a few seconds to answer the following questions with this scale (1 = strongly disagree, 2 = disagree, 3 = agree, 4 = strongly agree). (Source)
Your intelligence is something very basic about you that you can’t change very much.
Truly smart people do not need to try hard.
Only a few people will be truly good at sports, you have to be born with the ability.
The harder you work at something, the better you will be.
The last statement is reverse-coded, so subtract your answer from 4, e.g. if you answered “agree” (3) to it, your score is 4-3=1. Then, add that number to your scores from the first three questions.
me counting my score
Developmental psychologist Dr Carol Dweck identified two broad perspectives that people have towards achievement in her groundbreaking research:
The fixed mindset (total score 1-6): the belief that intelligence and ability are generally fixed and not modifiable through effort and practice. Your performance reflects your innate abilities.
The growth mindset (total score 7-12): the belief that intelligence and ability can be changed through effort and practice. Your performance is dependent on how much effort you invested.
Research has repeatedly shown that effort, rather than innate ability, makes the difference in performance. In addition, people with growth mindsets work harder in the face of challenges and persist longer than their fixed-thinking counterparts. Tl;dr: adopting the growth mindset will get you further. Instead of focusing on outcomes, focus on the process and how far you’ve come.
If you find yourself trying but not improving in an area, the reason has more to do with an inefficient strategy than an innate lack of ability. Before concluding that you’re just “not made for this”, try a different approach. For example, if cramming doesn’t work for you, revise your work over regular time intervals instead.
With effort and a good strategy, success will inevitably reach you!
3. DO IT NOW
Related to how you think is how you do. Get over the idea that you need to be good at something before you begin doing it. Doing anything, even imperfectly, is better than doing nothing.
The best way to improve is not through preparation but through practice. Like me, you can read all the self-help books in the world and plan for all it’s worth, but if you don’t do, you won’t improve. (That being said, check out my Atomic Habits Action Guide, where I summarise key points and added my own exercises to prompt action.)
To be honest, I still struggle with the above. I sat on this blog post for a year because I kept putting it off, waiting for the perfect ideas to strike. But there are no perfect ideas; it was more important that I got to writing. After all, the only person who will critique your ideas against your potential ideas is yourself. Who else would know?
So don’t wait – if you have an idea or a wish that you’ve had for a long time, start it now. Every day that passes is a missed opportunity to gain experience or the compounding effect that comes with time.
me psyching myself up with this before every major blog post ngl
And keep at it because it takes time before you see the results; you have to be patient. For example, I recently started my mini-business selling candy. In trying to grow my page, I realised that engagement is crucial, but I need to put in the work by posting more. It can be discouraging when I get low views, but I trust that it will pay off if I keep at it. (If this post helped you, please consider getting some candy for yourself or your friends! I guarantee you’ll love them.)
Everyone has ideas. What differentiates successful people is that when they have ideas, they take action to make those ideas a reality. You can be one of them as long as you start.
Start a project? Learn a new skill? Join a club? Do it today!
4. NETWORK, NETWORK, NETWORK 🎶
Everyone knows this but far fewer get to exploit it to their advantage. I’ll be honest, I don’t think it’s something you can ever master. But like everything else, it is a skill that can be developed with practice. The biggest challenge is when you start out – conquering your mental blocks in initiating relationships or following up with contacts to create new opportunities.
When I feel self-conscious about making the first move, I repeat the mantra: everyone is too preoccupied with themselves to judge you. Besides, what do others’ opinions matter if you are growing and not hurting anyone?
Yes, you could come off as instrumental if you only approach others when you want something from them. Ideally, you should bring something to the table that benefits the other party. Not every exchange has to be transactional. Developing active listening skills and being genuinely interested in others’ lives will do wonders. When others feel heard and appreciated, a world of possibilities opens.
my friend community (i am the second from the left)
Finding your community – others with similar goals and dreams to you – is what changes the game. When you reflect on your university experience later, you’ll realise the people made the difference. All your memories will be defined and coloured by who you created them with.
So how do you find your community? An easy way to do this is to join clubs and groups that spark your interest. The more events you attend, the more you’ll get acquainted with others, and eventually, you’ll make a few friends that you can count on. Or you could simply initiate a conversation with your tablemate in class.
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Thanks for reading! I’ll be posting more content soon, e.g. how to study effectively, read/write research papers, and more. So if you enjoyed reading this, be sure to subscribe at the bottom of this post!
Please also comment below if you have anything to share or ideas for new blog posts.
For other essential posts on this blog, click here. Top posts include:
I recently read Atomic Habits and wrote a summarised version of each chapter for my own reference. But I went beyond to include my own tables and exercises based on James’s suggestions. And thus the Summary/Action Guide to Atomic Habits was born. I’m sharing it here in the hopes that others will find it useful.
This is part 2/2 of the book summary. Read part 1 here if you haven’t already!
Mandatory recommendation to support James Clear by buying his book. While I think my guide is fantastic, it can never beat learning from the author himself.
THE 3RD LAW: MAKE IT EASY
CHAPTER 11: WALK SLOWLY, BUT NEVER BACKWARD
Motion vs action
Motion: planning and strategising and learning “how to”, but without doing.
Action: actually doing.
Examples
Motion: outlining ideas for 10 blog posts (haha!)
Action: actually sitting down to write a post
It’s easy to fall into the trap where you’re in motion convincing yourself you’re making progress. But motion in itself does not produce any outcome. Only actual action will get the results we’re looking to achieve.
Takeaway: Start practicing your habits immediately instead of spending all the time planning and delaying!
Habits form based on frequency of repetition, not time
Repetition leads to change at the neuronal level.
After enough repetitions, habits move from effortful practise to become automatic
Automaticity occurs when we no longer need to think about the steps involved
The key to developing a habit is that you take the actions you need to make progress and do it frequently.
We can practice our habits by making them easy (next chapter).
Exercise 11.1: Taking action
Write down one habit action you’ve been meaning to do
List 1 “motion” and “action” aspect.
How can you take action today to start the activity?
baby g’s diary 