bali is a place where a stranger will hug you at the club — a stranger whose eyes you will recognise again on the street the next day — but there’s nothing reflected in them because they don’t remember you at all and i think that’s a profoundly cruel thing — wouldn’t you rather sleep in the arms of someone who actually likes you?
Category: adventures
gwyn’s guide to hyperoptimised dating, #6 (heartbreaks and goodbyes)
in this series: #1 (#1.5) | #2 | #3 (#3.5) | #4 | #5 (#5.5) | #6 | #7 (#7.5)
Good Night, Sleep Tight, Don’t Let the Loverboys Bite
Who’s Next on the Hitlist Tonight?
Here are some guidelines I used when deciding to sever a connection. These apply to both texting and in-person behaviour. All are inherently subjective, so make your own decisions.
- Perceiving a lack of interest on their end
- Inconsistent or a lack of replies over a prolonged period without acceptable justification
- For men I hadn’t met, I observed them over 3-5 working days before deciding. They don’t owe me anything, but I can sure decide when they didn’t like me enough.
- For men I slept with, I gave them 24 hours before culling. The shorter time frame is because a man who likes you will demonstrate intensified interest immediately. Don’t make excuses for them like oh, but men are rational, so maybe he needs some time to think. Men do not sleep with women and become infatuated with them because they’re rational creatures; it’s precisely the lack thereof that drives them. Diminished interest means it’s over because they only wanted one thing, and you’ve given it to them.
- One-word replies, dry texts, perceived difficulty in sustaining a convo despite attempts (it’s not worth it)
- Not seeming interested in your day
- If they’re only talking about themselves all the time like hello what about me
- Inconsistent or a lack of replies over a prolonged period without acceptable justification
- Predominantly sexual conversations to the detriment of other, far more interesting, topics
- Actions that do not align with their words — especially broken promises
- If they ask for anything that crosses your boundaries.
- Example: At least three men shared with me one behaviour in girls that they consider off-putting: expecting him to travel to her place to pick her up before travelling to the destination together and accompanying her home afterwards. Of course, it was expected that the poor man would pay for all expenses. I don’t agree with this either. But see the next example.
- Another thought-provoking example: beliefs about who should pay on the first date. I’m not ashamed to say that I fall into the camp that the man should pay — it’s an (admittedly gendered) way for me to suss out who values me. I acknowledge and respect that not all men agree, and this precisely works to my advantage: I had a hidden rule that if a man asked me to pay, he would be permanently DQed. No exceptions. Not that any of them asked me to go Dutch (or y’all would so know it), but the point is that specifying what you want improves search outcomes. Everyone has exclusionary criteria. Sorry if it hurts your feelings though.
- Final example for the sake of controversy: two men asked me for head via text. I played along with one and shut down the other. (FYI: neither got it.) The only difference was in how long we had known each other. It boils down to accurately assessing your partner’s boundaries at the moment and knowing how to best accommodate them (signs of EQ). This is an ongoing process as boundaries are continually negotiated as a relationship develops.
In summary: drop if they are anything less than you think you deserve (given that you know your own worth).
The Art of Saying Goodbye
In babygirl’s humble opinion, good and clean breaks have the following characteristics. They:
- Are respectful of the other person. This means NO personal attacks. Even if you think they’re trash, write it in your diary (hehe) or sob to your friends, but don’t tell them.
- Focus on your perception of the relationship, not the person
- State simply that you have concluded the two (or more) of you are incompatible, and briefly state the reasons that led you to this conclusion
- Imply that the decision is final and non-negotiable
- [Optional: if you want to keep them in your life as friends, indicate so. But you MUST give them a choice to take up your offer or not].
- Wishing them the best in their love quest and life
Based on the above, a sample template for saying goodbye:
hey, i don’t think we’re going to work out. we’re not aligned on some fundamental aspects (e.g. values, goals in life) / i just feel we don’t like each other enough — i’m sure you understand. but thank you for having given your time to me; i enjoyed our connection immensely.
[i really like what we have though and i still want to be friends with you. but that’s entirely up to you, and you can take as long as you need to decide.]
i really hope that you find the love you deserve, because you do deserve it.
source: the lovergirl in me. adapt to your style or whatever
All of my goodbyes with my dates went something like this and ended on a relatively positive note. There was no face-tearing, at least. In the game of love, we have no time for hard feelings.
A well-crafted goodbye will be accepted without question by a secure counterpart. It will also neutralise any player energy that the person might have had.
Please do not ghost them if you have at least bonded somewhat. That is pathetic behaviour and hurts everyone. Get them out of your mind pronto and help them do the same.
The Art of Receiving Goodbyes
You may be surprised (I’m joking), but I have been rejected too. What matters is not who has rejected who (instant gratification aside) but how you learn from the experience.
So how do we do so?
- Ask for feedback if you are unsure why you were DQed. I brazenly asked “so why am I not a good fit for you?” after one of them told me I was not what he was looking for. He was surprised at my directness, but he was nice enough to share that I was too emotionally volatile for him. I did not agree, but I did not attempt to defend myself or lecture him otherwise. I accepted it, thanked him for his time, and wished him the best. I then did some intense self-reflection and refined my Hinge profile to filter out men like him. LOL
- Manage your emotions. Absolutely critical. You must not enter another relationship until you have processed your thoughts and feelings with the previous one. Of course, I had a good cry sometimes when things didn’t work out with my handsome boys. And then I got over them and moved on in a few days. I think it helps to remember that none of it is personal. The both of you just happened to be incompatible; you were not what they were looking for, but that doesn’t say anything about your worth as a person. You remain valid and worthy of love.
I’m Only Gonna Break, Break Your, Break, Break Your Heart (Sorry)
Back to Basic (Instincts)
Girls have choices sexually. Men have choices romantically. It’s just stacked that way. Note the intimate connection with mate selection criteria — women are rewarded for their attractiveness, while men are rewarded for their status.
I realised I could sleep with any guy I wanted, even those out of my league marriage-wise. (OK la, small sample size, maybe the 9th man would have turned me down. We’ll never know!) Hell, I have so much power I could choose not to, and there is nothing they can do about it. Men have zero sexual bargaining power when it comes to facing off against an equally attractive woman, ceteris paribus.
- Sidetrack: this is why it’s so funny to me when men slut-shame women on social media; they don’t realise it reveals more about them than the women they’re trying to bring down. Like, bro, chilé. We get it. You’re not getting laid, and you hate yourself, so you’re taking it out on women you cannot have. We know you would sleep with her if you could. But here’s the thing — you can’t. And now, because you outed yourself, everyone knows it. Get therapy instead.
But here’s the catch. I make it sound like sex is a woman’s advantage, but it really means nothing. Sexual attractiveness gets you into the bullfighting ring, but that’s all it does. The bull will kill you regardless if you don’t know what you’re doing. Even if you come prepared — you could still get shredded to pieces.
Men will not love you because you’re good in bed. In fact, the prevailing pattern I’ve observed is that men love women in spite of them not being good in bed. Legit let that SINK IN for a moment. Because men can compartmentalise love and sex, the former ironically supersedes the latter in their search for a wife. The same goes for women, although there are no surprises there.
To all my readers: they might like you if you’re hot, but you’ll just be put in the “fuckable” compartment of their cupboard and left there. Listen and remember: if you were not pre-categorised into the “potential partner” section, you will never make it there. Put differently, the friendzone (or the fuckzone, I guess) is a finality, not a place to challenge others’ boundaries.
Do NOT regale me with tales of how Some Mediocre Man/Woman realised their errors after Some Devoted Woman/Man was consistent and always there for them (rolls eyes). Put yourself first. NO ONE IS WORTH MORE THAN YOU. We are not looking for someone who at the end of the day “settles” for you because they couldn’t find something better. Ew. You should’ve been their #1 from the start. If they are emotionally unavailable to reciprocate, that’s not your problem. You go out there and look for someone who deserves you.
Be deathly wary of people who say that they want you (back) because you’ve changed or grown as a person. First, do you only like my current version because I’m good enough for you now? So what was I before? If I change in the future into something you don’t like, are you going to drop me then? Second, if you have indeed grown, there is virtually no reason to return to your past, especially the people left there. They are there for a reason.
- Inevitable exceptions to the rule: I have seen some couples who have made it out of the friendzone territory. But when I look at them, I’m not sure… I guess it’s an ego thing on my part. I could never accept being settled for. I’d think that shadow would hang over me and my view of the relationship for the rest of my life. Then again, it’s your life, your preferences, and your choice. And if you’ve reached a point where you’re secure in yourself and your partner’s love, what is there to complain about?
Back to the girls: I hate to say this — I genuinely, sincerely do — but you have to err on the side of caution. While not every man is like this, you must assume that they are only out for your body and will throw you away after they are done. If you are not ready for this possibility and discarding them in the same fashion when the time comes, do not sleep with them.
DO NOT EVER — EVER! — degrade yourself by attempting to use sex to keep a man around. If you can only remember one thing from this post this is it. I find the one “degrade” very distasteful because it’s often thrown around as a pejorative to demean women who are sexually liberated (AND SUCCESSFUL!). But when you disrespect yourself to keep someone around, you’ve completely lost the game.
All of the above also applies to emotions.
If someone does not love you fully given some time, I don’t think they ever will. I don’t believe that love grows in that sense; it can only be cultivated to persist. Unfortunately, matters of the heart are just like that. You can’t change someone’s heart no matter how many times you try — if they cannot give you their 100% despite their best efforts and yours, the two of you are doomed from the beginning.
There are no guarantees either: they could tell you they love you today and disappear tomorrow. The only thing we can do for ourselves if they waver is to leave.
You need to act like — you need to know — that you deserve the world to receive it in return. And if they can’t give it to you, the door is right there.
But you must also be ready to give your everything. You must be willing to give your time and effort to build a connection with another without expecting any return. You must be willing to hurt so much that you can only lie on the bed incapacitated, only to finally bring yourself to sit down on a chair and start sobbing like a baby.
There are limits to my guides. I can help you minimise the chances of meeting bad actors or insecure people, but that’s all I can do.
Neither you nor I can ultimately control your chances of meeting someone who will love you for who you are.
That being said, don’t forget to look around you. Your family, your friends — haven’t you seen the look in their eyes when you laugh? Even acquaintances and strangers, when you catch up after a long while, or when they stop to do you a little favour for nothing in return. Love actually is all~ around~
Time to~ Say Goodbye~
Ah, we’ve finally come to the chronological end of this series (but you never know!). What a wild ride it’s been! So much debauchery and so many epiphanies!
True to the # of this guide, I met six men from Hinge. Every one of them taught me something that I’d like to thank them for:
- #1 (Gang Member) — for showing me new perspectives on love
- #2 (Still Waters) — for showing me the limits of love
- #3 (Sweetheart) — for showing me when love is and isn’t enough
- #4 (Captain) — for showing me what love feels like
- #5 (Just Guy #5, sorry) — for showing me what love isn’t
- #6 (My Husband) — for showing me what it means to love and be loved completely.
Special mention for baby d and Grab Extraordinaire. It’s a pity — I mean it — but somehow I accept that it was meant to be this way. It is what it is. And Little Tiger — Nando’s soon!
I will remember the love I had for you, always, always.
in this series: #1 (#1.5) | #2 | #3 (#3.5) | #4 | #5 (#5.5) | #6 | #7 (#7.5)
gwyn’s guide to hyperoptimised dating, #3 (knowing thyself)
in this series: #1 (#1.5) | #2 | #3 (#3.5) | #4 | #5 (#5.5) | #6 | #7 (#7.5)
Alright, ya clowns, we are so back because I just submitted the first draft of my thesis. Good riddance! In letting it spread its wings, I, too, flew here immediately.
In this episode, we do the preparatory legwork before we jump into the battlefield.
Huh? Not dating yet? Yeah. Don’t get yourself all tangled up. Fail to prepare, and prepare to fail.
We will cover two aspects: knowing thyself and knowing thy enemy (as an extension of #1).
A necessary caveat to protect my readers’ feelings because I care for you: all of this is my own opinion. I am critical by design because because criticism is the way to improve. I fully acknowledge I may be wrong, and I might change my mind in the future. If you don’t like what you see, you don’t have to read it; set your own boundaries, or others will do it for you. But interestingly, if you experience a sting, it’s probably because you see yourself reflected herein.
Knowing Thyself
To know yourself and conquer the battlefield, you must be able to confidently answer two questions:
Who are you, babygirl? And what do you have to offer the market?
The Rationale
I mention figuring out what you have to offer. Now, I am all against self-objectification (I deal with enough from men daily. Stop DMing me from your damn anon alt-accounts or I will jolly well block you. This is my FINAL warning; stay in your place). But if love is a game, marriage is a market, and you are ultimately a commodity on auction. You define your own value, but you will still be subjected to market rate considerations. Nobody will pay for you if you act like you’re all that but have no concrete value.
Men (and women) can smell when you are all style and no substance. My second date told me he had met a girl who was “all talk and no show”, and his evaluation of her was “arrogant”. Ugh. I cringed internally for her. I would hate to be her; the prospect terrified me. I’m sure it’s the same for you. (That being said, what does it matter what others think of you? There’s no one to please when you play by your own rules.)
The point is that you need to be realistic and pragmatic about what you really are. Again, reducing ourselves to objects in the style of Carousell — bless that hellhole — you need to set accurate prices to find buyers. If you want to reach a class of buyers (the “elites”) that can pay a lot and are willing to, you have to be worth a lot in the first place.
And it’s not that hard to align yourself when you see things as they are. Think of it this way: when you underprice something on Carousell (as I did once), the messages come in a tsunami. When you overprice it, that item sits in your storeroom for years. Only when you find the sweet spot can you start pruning the buyers genuinely interested in making a transaction. On a dating app like Hinge, the logic is similar. If you present yourself authentically, you won’t have a shortage of likes from people who are interested in you as you are. But if you’re inauthentic or booooooring, you won’t be attracting “elite” buyers — which I assume is what you are seeking.
Note the emphasis on as you are. Many buyers are out there, some of which are “elites”, but that does not mean they are a good fit for you. Sure, we got a snazzy, tall, handsome, rich man out here for drinks (story below, keep reading), but he looks at you condescendingly and only wants to sleep with you. Are you going to accept that? It’s you we’re talking about, you know. You’re so much more than an item on sale. Respect yourself.
The Process of Becoming
You must first know what you are and be willing to do the shadow work to get there. The fundamental question is: do you see and accept yourself as you are?
The easy questions
- What are your goals and dreams? Where do you want to be in a year, in five years’ time?
- What are your hobbies?
- What are your strengths?
And so on. These are simple questions to answer but are nonetheless crucial because where you want to go will determine what kind of partner you’re looking for. In other words, they help you piece together your key considerations and dealbreakers.
Here’s mine after I did some self-analysis. It’s not the full version because why would I reveal myself so fully to the public (yes, I am being sarcastic). I’m just putting it here because I wrote it in jest, but it works well enough.
| If he does the following, I would die for him (inclusion criteria) | If he DOESN’T do the following, he can go away x (exclusion criteria/dealbreakers) |
| Read REAL books regularly (yes I am gatekeeping) | Read my blog and tell me how much he loves my art |
| Actively listen (stop using your damn phone) | |
| Communicate his thoughts and needs (a defining feature of a secure man) | Plaster pictures of me all over his phone and social media profiles |
| Practice ACCOUNTABILITY | Text me first, politely, stating his intentions clearly |
| Have big dick energy | Like me for more than just my hot N sexy body |
But life’s not all flowers and sunshine.
The harder questions (the real shadow work)
What are the flaws that define you? More importantly, are you okay with them?
A fantastic example from yours truly: my emotional intensity (often confused with “volatility“, which I will never stop yapping about). Tl;dr I feel emotions to an extreme degree, ostensibly more so than others experiencing those same emotions. Let’s say the same nice thing happened to us today, and we are both happy about it. While you might experience it as a 7/10 in intensity, I’m probably a 9/10. It doesn’t seem like an issue (ignoring my hypomanic antics) until I have negative emotions like sadness and anger. When I’m sad, I’m really sad, like 9/10 all the time. And when I’m mad — haha. Like they say, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.
- I don’t want to get into this further because it’s irrelevant to the discussion, but to put it simply and for my own closure, I don’t believe I’m more intense than the average person. I think people have this mistaken impression because (1) I can articulate my emotions clearly through writing, and (2) most people are not as keen on expressing their thoughts as publicly as I do. But just because you don’t see someone’s emotions doesn’t mean they’re not feeling it.
- And because I feel this strange need to defend myself again, I no longer vent my negative emotions on people. I put them in places for me. And if my friends need distance from my evil space, they are always welcome to step away from the room. It’s not their problem unless they care.
- Finally, consider this: what is a flaw, socially speaking? In contexts like social interaction with infinite possibilities, virtually any personality trait could be perceived as a strength as much as a flaw. I discuss it as a personality flaw in finding a husband because it repeatedly emerged as a dealbreaker for prospective men. But I doubt it is a flaw otherwise. If you took this part of me away, I would be an empty husk; I would no longer be the Gwyneth adored by my family, friends, and fans.
But that’s enough digression. Suffice it to say that I have accepted my emotional intensity as essential to my identity or how I view myself as a separate individual (yay, social psych!). Once I came to terms with myself, I could easily identify and eliminate those who would not help me grow. It is OK if they do not accept me; I am whole as I am. I will find someone who will accept me and walk by my side.
And that’s the beauty of it all, I guess: when you accept your flaws, they are no longer flaws.
The Consequences of Becoming
Okay, story time. I posted Instagram stories about this immediately after it happened (see highlights > Unhinged), but I’ll do a short recap because there are so many things to take away from it.
He was the fifth man I met since the Hinge era. We’ll call him #5. He invited me to drinks at this fancy bar. We did not text much prior to meeting. But his ELO score was so high that I threw caution to the wind (a mistake, as we will see). Essentially, this guy was maxed out on his educational attainment, job/income, height (perfect 180cm, supposedly), family background, and musical/sports skills. And he was handsome to boot. His profile was so absurd that when I saw it in my matches, I was like, babygirl’s in the big leagues, baby.
But here’s the thing: I had a gut feeling I was not enough for him. I texted my friends shortly before meeting him, quote in verbatim:
tbh he prolly just wants to sleep with me. i’m not wife material for this kind of level (i am not putting myself down. i am realistic). and i wouldn’t mind but actually i would. i not feeling it tonight
Why? We had nothing in common. Not education, definitely not income, ignore height, family background unclear. I was interested in engaging in some of his hobbies, but I was not there yet. I had not yet become what he was. In other words, there was an absence of connection.
So iconic. Anyway, I left the house knowing that I would return intact. (Note the link between connection and sex.)
Lo and behold, as God willed it, I was right on the dollar. I did not feel safe around this man and it stayed that way throughout. He wasn’t actively posing a threat to me, no, but I could feel my body unconsciously rejecting him. When he asked to hold my hand, and I put them in his, my arms literally strained to pull away. When he casually put his arm around my shoulder, I had to fight the instinctive urge to lock my body. (Another funny detail: he told me he had already had dinner. I was like… oh. Now that’s new. Talk about hyperoptimised dating; even the meal is eliminated!)
We did have a single moment when we genuinely shared a laugh, but it was not enough. He told me at the end that I was not what he was looking for. I was like, OK, taken aback, but I understand (all according to keikaku).
And… I don’t think I’ll sleep with you tonight.
When those words left my pretty mouth, he demonstrated the elite equivalent of a seizure. His eyes widened almost imperceptibly (what is this, Wattpad?), and he froze in his seat, tilting his head at me like I was some alien. I stared back at him, confused… starting to understand. He was so confident he could bag me based on his conditions alone that he had not anticipated failure.
Then we went downstairs to return to our separate homes. And we were settling our last goodbyes when he suddenly stepped forward to be closer to me. I flinched and backed away. I had to reiterate that I did not intend to sleep with him. And he looked at me in that way again, with that perplexed, distant gaze, indicating his inability to comprehend how a woman (who did not feel safe with him) could possibly not want to sleep with him. By this time, I already knew that he was not honest about his intentions insofar as he did not admit them — sealing his disqualification, sexually and emotionally.
He then got into the cab, and I was left standing there dazed as if I had emerged from a chess game.
He won the game, but I won the war, I guess.
And yes, true to his fine upbringing, he texted me to thank me for my time with good grace afterwards. But even his text was de-rizzed, like he had deflatedly realised his place. I had excised the ego from the man. I reciprocated and then wiped the chat.
(He told me not to write about him, by the way. They all do. I don’t care.)
Apologies for the exposition. To circle back to our main point, when you know what you are and what you want, you can break any man’s ego. Sorry, I mean, you’ll be able to find the one for you way more efficiently.
Knowing Thy Enemy
Speaking of finding the one for you —
What do you want, babygirl?
You need to date to know what you want. If you don’t know what’s out there, you don’t know what’s good for you. It really is that simple. If you think you know what you want without having dated anyone, you’re probably relying on societal assumptions to define what you want. If that works for you, go ahead, but your chances of suboptimal outcomes are higher.
But there’s a hidden rule here — you attract what you are.
A man from my past reached out to me on Hinge. I was amused, so I replied, but he was never in the running. Not because of our history but because he couldn’t even figure out what he wanted from a relationship (as his profile indicated, not my assumption). OK, so you want to fuck me? Then say it like you mean it, and I’ll decide. (I had decided in advance: no.)
If you are confused, you will attract a confused person. In my humble opinion, that is a colossal waste of time because I am looking for a HUSBAND. However, I’m all for it if you guys can align on your confusion and collaborate to work it out together.
And that’s the kicker: even if you don’t know, you have to know that you don’t know.
Hence, we come full circle to knowing thyself.
Marrying (haha) the Two
To me, love is about finding the ideal partner while being the ideal partner. Thus, as I reiterate, work on yourself before you get out there. A relationship is a project, and you need to pull your weight. Any self-respecting person would expect their teammates to do their part, so why should you be exempt? You might have gotten away with it in your studies, but do you think the dating circle will be this forgiving? If you want to love, be ready to give yourself completely.
Knowing yourself and knowing your enemy are concepts that kind of reciprocally influence each other, but the first is paramount.
When you know and accept yourself, everything else will come naturally.
in this series: #1 (#1.5) | #2 | #3 (#3.5) | #4 | #5 (#5.5) | #6 | #7 (#7.5)
eden
Don’t waste your time chasing butterflies. Mend your garden, and the butterflies will come.
Mario Quintana, Butterflies (translated from the original, “Borboletas”)
I feel I’ve grown a lot emotionally over the past six months. There might still be things I’m not ready to admit to myself — such as my irrational desire for a perfect partner who will ostensibly complete me — but I am also gradually realising that perhaps, just perhaps — I can be whole on my own after all.
I have embarked on so many projects this year that the younger me could hardly have imagined. Pilates princess, babygirl energy? Clarifying my boundaries, and letting go of people and things not contributing to my growth? Living as my authentic self, unwilling to be stifled by others’ projections?
Isn’t this what I wanted all along? All of this seems unreal.
I’ll keep doing these and more because I want to — not because anyone else has told me to, or because someone or society said it’s good for me. It’s good for me because I decided it is, and so it shall be.
I am tending to my garden; I will keep tending to it, rain or shine. The butterflies will come, not because I called out to them, but only because they find it a beautiful place to be.
They may be fickle; they may not stay.
And that’s okay; in the meantime — as we were meant to — we can play.
affirmations, #4 (baby g’s playground)
the name of the game is hyperoptimisation, and we’re going to hack it to hell
the no man june logs
Earlier, the algorithm bestowed upon me a video criticising boy-crazy girls, and it hit me that I’ve been like that recently. In the spirit of self-improvement, I am thus embarking on No Man June — a month-long sabbatical to eliminate any mention of prospective men and the desire for romance in my life.
The aim is not to repress desire but to sublimate it.
Granted, I like to believe that I have a life outside male validation, and I have been assured so by people who matter. Neither do I think that there’s anything wrong with being boy-crazy — to each their own, as long as you don’t intentionally hurt others (?).
Nonetheless, I don’t like spending so much time obsessing over romance and boys. Like, if I were a supporting character in a movie, I might fail the Bechdel test, considering all the time I spend yapping to my fans online and my friends about My Love Lore. (Though let me establish two things: 1) My friends and fans LOVE my adventures and 2) ALL the men came to me first. I only reciprocated if I wanted to, but I can be persuasive in my own ways.)
A secondary aim is to observe how much more I can achieve when I am not bogged down with illusions and trivialities. I have lots of things to do, people to meet, and places to be! ZOU
Hence, effective today:
The Rules
- #1: No yapping or disclosure about drama with men, old or new. This applies to both public (social media) and private settings (with friends).
- #2: No references to the desire for romance or romantic love, direct or indirect. As long as the main idea of the post/conversation is about romance, it is considered a violation.
The Consequences: for every instance in which a rule is violated, I will donate $5.
- $2.50 goes to an organisation in Singapore that I absolutely detest. Iykyk.
- $2.50 goes to my accountability buddy (to incentivise them to catch me when I slip up).
The Exceptions
- I can share if I am asked, i.e. somebody else initiates the conversation for me. However, I cannot supplement additional details that go beyond answering the question.
- Corresponding to rule #2: I can continue to create content in which specific men and my personal desire for love are not the core subjects. This includes things like my lay theory of love logs (maybe except #3.5), which I consider sociological investigations into the phenomenon of dating. Essentially, no anecdotes, but think pieces are fine. (Ah, 75% of my output is going to be decimated…)
Initial Commitments
- As preparatory work, I have processed and purged the men concerned. If they don’t want me, they don’t deserve access to me! If you were not purged, sorry but you were not significant enough, LOL. I am not paying $5 for this disclosure because it occurred here.
You are welcome to join me OR catch me when I slip up. Let’s have some fun. Stay tuned for updates, babes ❤
excerpts, #1 (interlude/escapade)
really though, it’s hard to overstate how much I’m enjoying myself here. i’m still the same old me, tardy and awkward, but in a new place with new people — and it’s made a world (country?) of difference. here, we accept each other’s kinks without judgement (well, for the most part), we share the same sense of wack humour, as well as the same glossy-eyed appreciation for the Japanese language and culture. it is good. and there are so many books. i hope this isn’t the pinnacle experience of my existence because i would be sad to see it end. just like this manga that sparks me joy, just like how beautifully it is illustrated, i hope it can always be this way for us too.
baby g’s diary 