absolution

i have met the first great love of my life: he towered over all who came before. i can’t reason why — all i can do is describe: i lived for the crinkle of his eyes when he looked at me, the way he would slide his hand down my back, how he would hold out his hand waiting for mine to envelop his. i would ask him, don’t i make you happy?, although i knew his answer would always be yes, you do. i remember the final time we would kiss, like he was afraid of losing me, finally, before his fears were realised. i also remember him hugging me for the last time. the embrace was too long, carrying an apology for what he could not do, while i kept my eyes open, rejecting it. one thing i can no longer remember is the smell of his skin. i think if i were to ever find myself in his arms again i would be tempted to absolve him. perhaps many years in the future, when i look back upon what could have been, we will meet again in my dreams.