Tag: emotions

one final, final thought before i go (i promise): i get feedback from many prospective men that i am emotionally volatile.

but what the hell does that mean?

yes, i do feel everything intensely, and i love like hell. that’s just in my nature. what is (immeasurable) joy without (immeasurable) sorrow? if i was not like this, i would not be able to love you the way i do. and yes, it makes me special — i would never give it up for anything, not even the one for me.

but have i ever been unkind to those i love? have i ever taken it out on them? i’ve been nothing but kind and open, even to men who didn’t want me, hell, even to men who have wronged me times over. so why do they act like it’s a potential burden — like my intensity is baggage they’re not ready to carry? don’t get me wrong, i’m not angry — i’m just genuinely baffled.

yet i still understand in a doublethink way that i can be a lot for the people around me. so if it’s ever too much for you, just mute me and only return when you’re ready. i will always be in turmoil; it is what defines me. and you can choose to be here or not; i won’t fault you regardless.

and i think that’s the solution to me as an enigma, a social construct that others have pigeonholed me against my will — the man who carefully dismantles the puzzle, only to realise that it was a glass onion all along, is the one i will marry.