sweetheart asked me why? why unblock him if you don’t care about him anymore? i hesitated — because i want him to watch? is it contradictory? is it petty? i wasn’t sure.
and as if by design, he appeared again on my stories. it was intriguing, but that was all — i didn’t feel anything aside from curious indifference and amusement.
so this is what it feels like when someone doesn’t matter anymore.
it was strangely poetic — like this was always bound to happen, and i was merely a passive observer to the predetermined unfolding. indeed, it was never about us, but i might have been wrong about the other part — it was never about you, even. it was about me: what i thought i wanted from you before i realised it had been in me from the beginning, just that i recognise it only now. that’s why a relationship takes at least two to work: there needs to be you and me to be an us.
i unblocked all of them because they don’t matter anymore; i think it is a natural consequence of letting go.
isn’t that wonderful? we love, we learn, and we forgive others and ourselves.
baby g’s diary 